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piratewithvigor · 4 years ago

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My first thought in regard to every band that gets played on my radio station

ACDC: Every dad’s favourite band

Adams, Bryan: Every mom’s favourite singer until Michael Buble came along

Aerosmith: haha they thought Vince Neil was a lady

Alice Cooper: he’s a Game Of Thrones fanboy and I have proof

Alice In Chains: my sister doesn’t like them because she decided AC were Alice Cooper’s initials ONLY

Allman Brothers Band: good music for dropping acid to

Allman, Gregg: That’s too many Gs for one name

Animals: House Of The Rising Sun, or who even cares

Argent: Sometimes Hold Your Head Up is really catchy

Asia: Tuesdays

Autograph: one of the members went on to be a pharmacist

Bachman-Turner Overdrive: There are just so many pop culture jokes about Taking Care Of Business that whatever I say won’t be as funny

Bad Company: with their song; Bad Company, off their album; Bad Company

Benatar, Pat: Always getting her confused with Patti Smith

Black Crowes: I like them for Lickin, but it doesn’t seem to exist outside of one shoddy video on youtube and my old CD

Blackfoot: this band name feels kind of racy

Black Sabbath: Dio was not better or worse than Ozzy; just different

Blondie: I like Call Me, but Blondie confuses me stylistically

Blue Oyster Cult: MORE COWBELL

Bon Jovi: Hello, childhood trauma, I missed you

Boston: ONE GUY. ONE GUY DID IT ALL AND NO ONE KNOWS

Bowie, David: Don’t let your children watch The Man Who Fell To Earth, or David Bowie’s will end up being the third penis they see in life

Browne, Jackson: Another musician ruined by Supernatural

Buffalo Springfield: Jack Nicholson was at the riot they sing about

Burdon, Eric: no ideas, brain empty

Bush: ditto

Candlebox: ditto once more. Who are these people?

Cars: This band feels so gay and so straight at the same time, I can only assume they’re the poster children of bisexual panic

Cheap Trick: I played Dream Police on Guitar Hero so fucking much because it was the only song anyone who played with me could keep up with

Chicago: Chicago 30 exists, but they do not have 30 albums. Fucking riddle me that

Clapton, Eric: 6 discs in one Greatest Hits is too many. That’s called “re releasing your discography”

Cochrane, Tom: For some reason, everyone thinks Rascal Flats did it better

Cocker, Joe: Belushi did it right

Collective Soul: who?

Collins, Phil: If his biggest hits were done by MCR, they would be emo anthems, but because he’s 5′6″ and from the 80s, they’re not

Cream: *Vietnam flashbacks on the hippie side*

CCR: *Vietnam flashbacks on the war side*

CSNY: David Crosby; meh

Deep Purple: THEY’RE SO MUCH MORE THAN SMOKE ON THE WATER

Def Leppard: the only music for when you’re a heartbroken bitch but also a sexy one

Derek And The Dominos: Clapton and ‘Layla’ broke up

Derringer, Rick: Tom Petty if he was from the midwest

Dio: You thought it was an anime reference, but it was me, Dio

Dire Straits: You can tell how bigoted a radio station is based on how much of Money For Nothing they censor

Doobie Brothers: I have yet to smoke weed, but I listen to the Doobies, and I think that’s pretty close

Dylan, Bob: I take back everything I said about him in my youth

Eagles: Hotel California isn’t their best song, but the memes that come from it are second to none

Edgar Winter Group: @the--blackdahlia

Electric Light Orchestra: Actually an orchestra and sound a fuckton like George Harrison

ELO: I really hesitate to ask what happens with the 7 virgins and a mule

Essex, David: no prominent memories of him

Fabulous Thunderbirds: cannot spell

Faces: Who on earth thought that was a good album name?

Faith No More: I got nothing

Fixx: One Thing Leads To Another is a damn bop

Fleetwood Mac: I ain’t straight, but I’m simply not enough of a witch to enjoy them to full potential

Fogerty, John: He got sued cause he sounded like himself

Foghat: Slow Ride slowly becoming less coherent feels like a drug trip

Foo Fighters: He was just excited to buy a grill

Ford, Lita: deserved better

Foreigner: dramatically overplayed

Frampton, Peter: a masterful user of the talk box

Free: dramatically underplayed

Gabriel, Peter: leaving Genesis changed him a lot

Genesis: if someone likes Genesis, clarify the era, because yes, it does matter

Georgia Satellites: sing like you have a cactus in your ass

Golden Earring: Twilight Zone slaps, but it doesn’t slap as hard as this station thinks it does

Grand Funk Railroad: Funk

Grateful Dead: I like their aesthetic more than their music

Great White: there are so many fucking shark jokes

Greenbaum, Norman: makes me think of Subway for some reason

Green Day: the first of the emo revolution

Greg Kihn Band: RocKihnRoll is literally the most clever album name I’ve ever seen

Guns N Roses: They have more than three good songs, but radio stations never recognize that

Hagar, Sammy: I’m still trying to figure out where he lived to take 16 hours to get to LA driving 55 and how fucking fast was he driving beforehand?

Harrison, George: He went from religious to rock, and if he had continued rocking, he would have gotten too cool

Head East: I respect people who use breakfast foods as album names

Heart: Magic Man and Barracuda are played at least once every goddamn day. They’re not even the best songs!

Hendrix, Jimi: I have both a cousin and a sibling named after Hendrix references

Henley, Don: Dirty Laundry gives me too much inspiration

Hollies: Somehow sound like they’re both from the 60s and the 80s at the same time

Idol, Billy: he’s doing well for himself

INXS: Terminator vibes

Iris, Donnie: knockoff Roy Orbison

James Gang: too many funks

Jane’s Addiction: if TMNT had a grunge band representative

Jefferson Airplane: *assorted cheers*

Jefferson Starship: *assorted boos*

Jethro Tull: The only band to make you feel not cool enough to play the flute

Jett, Joan: icon

J. Geils Band: I requested them on the radio once and it got played

Joel, Billy: he really did just air everybody’s business like that

John Cafferty And The Beaver Brown Band: literally wtf is that name

John, Elton: yarn Elton sits in my basement, unstaring. Please someone take him from me

Joplin, Janis: Queen

Journey: Stop overplaying Don’t Stop Believing. It takes away from the rest of the repetoire

Judas Priest: literally started the gay leather aesthetic

Kansas: another fucking band Supernatural stole

Kenny Wayne Shepherd: the man confuses me to the point where he isn’t in the right place alphabetically

Kiss: Mick Mars and I will simply have to disagree on the subject

Kravitz, Lenny: runaway vibes

Led Zeppelin: Fucking fight me if you don’t think they’re the most talented band (maybe not the most talented individually, but collectively, no one comes close)

Lennon, John: My least favourite Beatle for reasons

Live: I got nothin

Living Colour: slap a decent amount

Loverboy: do you not get TURNT the fuck up to the big Loverboy hits? Who hurt you??

Lynyrd Skynyrd: Sweet Home Alabama is a Neil Young diss track

Marshall Tucker Band: no opinion

Manfred Mann’s Earth Band: VERY STRONG OPINIONS THAT THEY AREN’T GOOD

McCartney, Paul/Wings: Power couple

Meatloaf: I have nothing but respect for a man who willingly named himself Meatloaf

Mellencamp, John: voted cutest lesbian of 1987

Metallica: I liked their appearance on Jimmy Fallon

Midnight Oil: I get them confused for Talking Heads a lot

Modern English: who?

Molly Hatchet: Hollies vibes, but also Georgia Satellites vibes

Money, Eddie: DAN AVIDAN, IF YOU SEE THIS, COVER TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT

Motley Crue: Stan Mick Mars and John Corabi. They’re the only ones who deserve it

Mott The Hoople: no one loves them except for David Bowie

Mountain: props for naming an album ‘Climbing’

Nazareth: I want to make a John Mulaney joke here, but I can never come up with one

Nicks, Stevie: witch queen

Night Ranger: I get them confused with Urge Overkill

Nirvana: Kurt Cobain was the ally grunge needed

Nova, Aldo: he’s Canadian, at least

Nugent, Ted: *serves a ghost as jerky*

Offspring: nothing here

Osbourne, Ozzy: this bitch crazy

Outfield: Your Love is kind of a sketchy song, but it slaps hard

Palmer, Robert: low quality Eddie Money

Pearl Jam: *grunts in Eddie Vedder*

Petty, Tom: I have so many feelings about Tom Petty and they are all good

Pink Floyd: which one is Pink?

Plant, Robert: solo career is a crapshoot, but his voice is unparalleled

Poison: I want them to write a song called ‘Alice Cooper’

Pretenders: I want to say good things, but I have nothing to say

Queen: A doctor of astrophysics, a screaming girl, a disco queen and a diva walk into a bar. It’s Queen; they’re there to play a gig

Queensryche: neutral opinion

Quiet Riot: they got big because of a song they hated. I love that

Rafferty, Gerry: the second-sexiest sax opening in all of music

Rainbow: Ritchie Blackmore created something very magnificent

Ram Jam: one good song and they didn’t even write it

Ratt: I’m sure they have more than Round And Round, but I don’t know it

RHCP: funky, but if you have paid money to hear them, you’re going to The Bad Place (I don’t make the rules)

Red Rider: basically Golden Earring

Reed, Lou: Walk On The Wild Side would be such a cool song if it wasn’t so dull

REM: American Tragically Hip

REO Speedwagon: Props for having a dad joke as an album title

Rolling Stones: Never in my life could I imagine the drummer being named anything but Charlie

Rush: How to make being uncool the coolest fucking shit

Santana: The world needs more Santana

Scandal: There’s something really funny about The Warrior being my brother’s “song” with his girlfriend

Scorpions: Was Wind Of Change written by the CIA? Only the spotify podcast I got an ad for once could say

Seger, Bob: A different variety of Eric Clapton (frankly a better variety, but that’s just me)

Simple Minds: we ALL forgot about you

Skid Row: Sebastian Bach is prettier than all of us

Soundgarden: music that makes you feel like you dunked your head underwater

Springsteen, Bruce: my arch-nemesis. Maybe someday, he’ll find out about it

Squeeze: according to my friends, the stupidest band name ever, but they’re theatre kids, so you know

Squier, Billy: If he can make it through 1984 alive, you can make it through whatever bad day you’re having

Stealers Wheel: Yet another band who I always mistake for George Harrison

Steely Dan: my house’s nickname for the Robber in Settlers Of Catan

Steppenwolf: Either makes me think of Jay & Silent Bob, Jack Nicholson, or that time I had to cut 6lbs of onions

Steve Miller Band: when you’re in the right mood, they slap hard

Stewart, Rod: my soundtrack to summer 2015

Stills, Stephen: Love The One You’re With Is Catchy, but the lyrics are questionable

Stone Temple Pilots: the only band to write a song about goo you smear on yourself

Stray Cats: an obscene amount of merch is available for them

Styx: Supernatural would have ruined them for me too if I hadn’t been into them previously.

Supertramp: I hunted for Breakfast In America for two years and it was worth every hunt

Sweet: I will never understand my two-month obsession with Ballroom Blitz when I was 15, but it was legit all I listened to

Talking Heads: you may find yourself in a pizza hut. And you may find yourself in a taco bell. And you may find yourself at the combination pizza hut and taco bell. And you may ask yourself; ‘how did I get here?’

Temple Of The Dog: I keep confusing them for Nazareth

Ten Years After: somehow still relevant

Tesla: not the car or the dude

The Beatles: Evokes a lot of opinions from people. Mine is that I love them

The Clash: I showed my sister the ‘Lock The Taskbar’ vine ONCE and it still kills her

The Doors: evokes teenage terror from deep within my soul

The Guess Who: Canada’s answer to confusing question-themed band names

The Kinks: kinky

The Police: wrote the theme of 2020 and everyone somehow forgot it was about a teacher resisting becoming a pedophile

The Ramones: playing all of their songs in a row wouldn’t take more than 2 hours

The Romantics: you don’t think you know them, but if you’ve seen Shrek 2, you have

The Who: If someone can explain Tommy to me, I’d be glad to hear it

The Zombies: I think they happened because of the 60s

Thin Lizzy: Could the boys maybe leave town?

Thorogood, George: blues, but make it modern

Toto: the most memed song behind All Star

Townshend, Pete: just makes me think of the end of Mr. Deeds

T-Rex: Mark Bolan is an icon

Triumph: The no-name brand of Rush

Tubes: like the yogurt

Twisted Sister: they did a christmas album and my mom does NOT hate it

U2: U2 Movers; we move in mysterious ways

Van Halen: RIP Eddie

Van Morrison: honestly, who’s named Van?

Vaughn, Stevie Ray: Steamy Ray Vaughn

Walsh, Joe: The Smoker You Drink The Player You Get

War: Foghat, but even groovier

Whitesnake: the most successful band to be named after a penis

Wright, Gary: the 90s thanks him for writing the song every movie used for the “guy sees cute girl and it’s love at first sight” scene

Yes: To Be Continued

Young, Neil: The best part of CSNY

Zevon, Warren: the album cover of Excitable Boy makes me deeply uncomfortable for reasons I don’t understand

ZZ Top: has been the same three guys since 1969. Lineup unchanged.

3 Doors Down: They feel a little modern to be on a classic rock station, but whatever

38 Special: Why 38?

#I made this instead of doing homework #Classic Rock #Meme

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britishdisasters · 4 years ago

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hello! sorry to bother but i saw you rebloging posts about dan and phil and thought you could help me: so i didn't grow up watching them, i barely know who they are tbh but i know fans ship them together or used to? bc it seems to me from a lot of posts that they confirmed they're together but i also saw people talking sht about the shippers so im very confused LOL again sorry to bother, but are they together?

Uh… I’m not exactly sure how to answer that question but I’ll try.

So, basically they confirmed that they’re together but also that they have no intention of ever acknowledging it publicly. Like there was one mention and now just like… side references that fans pick up on. It’s sort of a “they know we know they know we know” situation.

As in, Dan said in his coming out video that they are soul mates, and in his bit talking about meeting Phil said “obviously it was more than just romantic”. So I guess it depends on if you consider that confirmation? There are people who took it as meaning that they used to be together but aren’t anymore, but there’s very little reason to believe that- you simply don’t choose to live with your ex for the rest of your life, let alone call them your soul mate. They’ve also hinted at sharing a bedroom for a few years now. They recently moved into their “forever home” together, which they designed themselves and has been in the works since 2017 when they bought blank property. This is their 4th place officially living together, 5th from a more practical standpoint. So, take that as you will.

And fans shipping them is complicated. Yes, sort of. Although I think it’s mostly an admiration of their relationship rather than a wanting them to be together. A key thing to recognize is that most of their audience is queer, and I’d say at least 60-70% are lesbians. So you don’t really have the aspect to shipping that people usually think about. Their audience definitely used to act in a more classically ship-y way, but as people have grown up that’s mostly disappeared. Their core audience is in like the 18-25 range currently. But unlike a lot of creators they have never discouraged it. In fact, they had a multiple year long series of videos looking through fan art and fan fics. There was a while when they encouraged it only as a theoretical thing and not people actually thinking they were together (2012-2015ish), which was mostly a protective response due to homophobia. A part of that is probably that Dan quite literally started out as a fan of Phil (has said this and there’s also physical proof in the form of tweets and such). He was a fan of Phil from 2007(?)-2009 and basically pulled off the move that fan fictions do where he openly internet stalked and spammed Phil until Phil talked to him and they ended up clicking. They were open about their relationship for a year or so before they started blowing up on the internet. So I think in a lot of regards, Dan understands how the fandom thinks and operates, and he openly has a secret burner fan account that he uses to monitor what’s being said from the inside.

Anyway the basic answer is that they’re a lot more open in spaces where it’s just their audience and the media/wider internet isn’t going to hear about things. They do, and pretty much always have operate on a “we know you know” basis when it comes to fans knowledge of their relationship. It’s some combination of being intensely private people & knowing how the internet being involved destroys relationships + wanting to make it clear that they value being best friends above all the rest of it.

#sorry this was long #it could have been a lot longer #this isn’t a simple question by any means #feel free to ask clarifying questions #anon #ask #anonymous #dnp

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dramaticlester · 4 years ago

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hidden in plain sight

summary: we know, they know, but the world doesn’t need to. some soft fluff inspired by phils new video.

or the one where i am clearly the first type of person that is written about (the unlabelled formless blob who refuses to point out pretty girls)

genre: fluffy drabble

warnings: bad and emotional writing. swearing

it’s not exactly a secret that they keep, but one they don’t share. their fans aren’t as crazy as they used to be; they don't pry as deep. they ask stupid questions sometimes, but dan and phil answer with equally stupid answers. its so comfortable. that's why, when the question ‘tell us about your current dating life’, comes up, phil doesn’t even flinch. he gives a soft smile, even a little chuckle, and says he wants to keep his private life separate from the real world.

in the same video, he talks about dan and the new home they’re building together, he smiles fondly at stupid things they did, but got great memories from. its all so calm and lovely, he feels safe and not too exposed. but the real fans can see it, they can understand why it’s important that their love is kept safe.

it’s special, something that many people won’t understand, something that will be torn to pieces by the media who are trying to make a quick buck. phil isn’t ready to use his very personal relationship as a capitalists dream, and neither is dan, and neither are their real fans.

the fans watch it with a smile, with a nod at the truth and a hand over heart to keep it within their little community, the one that dan and phil have come to know and love.

yes, its so special and so personal, yet its shared between hundreds who understand. people who are struggling to label themselves and don’t feel comfortable, people who refrain from pointing out certain characters that attract their attention in fear that their true feelings will come out about them because they’re girls). people who don’t feel sexual attraction, yet feel validated by one tiny message phil put in the video, because they are so valid, even if they don’t see it. people who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, asexual, pansexual or ‘a formless blob’, it really doesn’t matter. because dan and phil are a safe house, even when the real world is really fucking scary, and phil realises this. it’s why he ensures to include these messages in his videos, its why he has the passion he does for his job, he just wants to be safe.

and if dan and phil sleep together at night time, or bump hips whilst they’re cooking, or share baths and stories and watch TV together, the outside world don’t need to know, because they know they’re safe with their audience. the real ones.

dan is phil’s everything and phil is dan’s everything. they share so many things, that it’s difficult to tell what is their own. that is why its important, in phils eyes, to keep it to themselves. to separate career and fame, from love and genuineness. this is why dan and phil love their audience, because they know their audience love them back just as much. they know jokes stay as that, jokes. and they know the news will never understand how important to each other they are. and that's okay

because its hidden in plain sight. you just have to understand really hard to see it.

#phanfiction #amazingphil #phil lester #dan howell #phan #fluff #fluffy #drabble

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anti-pasto · 4 years ago

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ok so ive never really shipped real people or condoned it but i'm really curious what it's done?? like i don't doubt that it's caused damage but are there any particular instances you know of?? sorry i'm just really curious

The most common thing that rpf does is drive friendships apart. Examples include Camila and Ally from 5th Harmony, Markiplier and Jacksepticeye, and a boatload of other friendship duos that have been pushed apart by rpf.

That’s not to say these people still aren’t friends in private, and that’s not our business to know. But what we do know is that these people are uncomfortable with being shipped.

There have also been cases of people being uncomfortable in their own sexuality because of rpf. Dan (from Dan and Phil) stayed in the closet for longer than he intended because of how fans speculated about his relationship with Phil. Camila, who is openly bisexual, said she was uncomfortable with being painted as the “predatory lesbian that turns girls gay.”

It’s totally okay to ask questions like this. It seems like rpf is becoming popular again, and I’d rather tell people *why* we don’t ship real people, instead of telling them “no” and pushing them away.

#anon #anon asks

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boredout305 · 5 years ago

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Kat Talley Jones (Urinals/100 Flowers)

John Talley-Jones and Kat Talley-Jones, Santa Barbara, California, circa late 1978/1979.

Kat Talley-Jones was an early photographer of The Urinals and 100 Flowers. She is the lyricist of “Ack Ack Ack Ack” and has compiled an impressive 1978 to 1983 gigography of The Urinals and 100 Flowers. Talley-Jones is the wife of the bands’ bassist and vocalist John Talley-Jones.

Professionally, Talley-Jones is an independent exhibit developer and writer. She’s worked on teams that created the Dinosaur Hall and Nature Lab at the Natural History Museum of Los Angeles County and visitor center exhibits at Mammoth Cave National Park, Devils Tower National Monument, Badlands, National Park, Stones River National Battlefield, and Santa Monica Mountains National Recreation Area among many others.

Talley-Jones is still involved with The Urinals and 100 Flowers, taking photos and contributing in countless other ways, something she’s done since the late 1970s.

Interview by Ryan Leach

This interview originally ran on Razorcake’s website.

Ryan: Where did you meet John (Talley-Jones)?

Kat: Like John, I come from a military background. I was born in Italy. I later lived in Japan, the (Washington) D.C. area and Iran. I met John at the University of Texas at Austin. We gravitated towards the same circle. There were Texans and then there were army brats. We had a different frame of reference than other people did.

John was walking down the hall of the dorm I lived in. I had pulled a picture out of the NME of Kevin Ayers and put it on my door. Kevin Ayers was wearing some blue silk jacket. It was a great photo. I loved Kevin Ayers, The Soft Machine and the Ayers, Cale, Nico, Eno album.

Ryan: That’s a great live record.

Kat: Yeah. My roommate was a lesbian, so we had a nude pinup of a woman on the door too which was very scandalous—we hoped.

Ryan: At that time in Texas it was. Even in Austin.

Kat: Right. John and a friend of his were walking down the hall. They stopped, saw the photos on the door, and wondered, “Who lives here?” I opened the door and there was John, wearing blue eye shadow, black nail polish and a toothbrush around his neck (laughs). We got to know each other after that, running in the same circles. I went out with a guy and John went out with his sister—you know how it is being college aged. Everyone is switching partners.

John left UT. His parents thought—and maybe he did too—that film school would be better at UCLA than at UT. That probably wasn’t the case, but John left for California. My parents had moved from Iran to Redondo Beach. So we got back together again. It’s complicated.

Ryan: John had mentioned that he had moved to San Francisco before attending UCLA.

Kat: He was in San Rafael in Marin County. He lived with his aunt and uncle and worked at a bookstore in San Rafael. That was before he went to UCLA.

My parents went back to Iran. I moved in with my brother in Santa Barbara. I was living in Santa Barbara, John went to UCLA, and then we started going out. I did not see the first Urinals iteration when they played the talent show at UCLA. However, I did see the first three-piece show at UCLA with Kevin (Barrett), Kjehl (Johansen) and John. That was on the fourth floor of Dykstra Hall.

Ryan: Had your parents not moved back to California, would you have likely stayed in Austin?

Kat: Probably not. At that time, there wasn’t really a scene yet. It was sleepy. It was a place where you could get by getting stoned, paying $100 a month for an apartment. I was ambitious, but I didn’t happen to paint or anything. I didn’t love Austin. Just as I was leaving, friends of mine were forming The Huns. We would go to Raul’s and bands like the Skunks were playing. The Ramones and Patti Smith came through there. So there was stuff, but LA felt much more exciting.

Ryan: You mentioned The Huns. So you knew Phil Tolstead and the rest of the band?

Kat: Yes. Phil was an Air Force brat. We had a mutual friend named Victoria (Jones) who Phil went to see the Sex Pistols with in San Antonio. She had lived in London. We were people with a broader background. I can’t say that above everyone in The Huns. I’m still friends with Dan Puckett who played keyboards in the band. I knew their drummer, Tom Huckabee. My boyfriend at the time had a crush on him which was awkward (laughs). I was getting away from that situation too. My parents moving back played a part. But my brother was at UCSB and needed a roommate. I thought, “Well, I’ve got nothing going on in Austin, so I’ll live with him.”

Ryan: You took a lot of early Urinals photos—obviously, for most of their record sleeves. Was photography something you had been pursuing previously?

Kat: Well, I had a camera (laughs). It was just because I was there and I had one. I wasn’t really trying to be expressive. I didn’t take that many photos of shows; the cost of film and developing was expensive. Also, with the low light, the photos often came out horrible.

Ryan: You need an SLR and a lens with a low f-stop. Even then, results aren’t guaranteed.

Kat: I had a Canon FTb camera. I was the beneficiary of trickle down: my dad would get something new, and I’d get the old version of whatever he replaced it with. It was a nice camera that was unfortunately stolen. I didn’t take photographs as a means of self-expression. I just had a camera and I was standing there.

Ryan: If you don’t mind me digressing back a bit, did your parents have to flee Iran when the Shah fell or had they already moved back to the States? I can’t help but think that all of this—you having lived in Iran—played some part in the naming of “Surfin’ with the Shah.”

Kat: Yes, they did. They went on Christmas vacation and never went back.

Ryan: Amazing. I’m glad to hear they got out safely.

Kat: Yeah. My dad was an army officer. He liked that kind of excitement (laughs). I was in Iran and John would write me and send me punk mixtapes. Iran was very much on his mind. I would say that had a lot to do with naming of the song, “Surfin’ with the Shah.” But not the modality or anything.

Ryan: What years were you in Iran?

Kat: I was there when I was in high school, so 1970-1973. I then went to the University of Texas. I was an insane overachiever and graduated UT in three years. My parents moved back to Iran. I went to visit; I thought, “Why go back to the States? I can get a job here.” So I got a job typing repair logs for Bell Helicopter. I came back to the States with something on my resume: “I’ve had a job!” When I moved back to Austin, I was employed by a contractor that worked for the Air Force at what was then Bergstrom Air Force Base.

Urinals practicing at Dykstra Hall (UCLA). Photo by Kat Talley-Jones

Ryan: Going back to the early days of The Urinals, do you recall the first 7” EP (self-titled) coming out?

Kat: Oh, sure.

Ryan: You took the photo for the back cover. I can only imagine being part of a self-released 7” was pretty exciting back in 1978.

Kat: It was very exciting. I had been a prog fan. I loved Yes and Emerson, Lake & Palmer. It seemed so out of reach; what ordinary mortal could release a record? To think that you could control the means of production that way was amazing. I can’t remember if that’s the one with the taped piece of Super 8 film on it, but I certainly sat down with Kevin and Kjehl and taped pieces of film on one of the labels. I stuffed the singles too into the plastic bags. I would go around with John and we’d drop the records off to stores on consignment. I was still living in Santa Barbara. I recall going to record stores there. People were often extremely uninterested, because the records were so handmade looking. Not all of the record stores—even the independent ones—were interested in the DIY thing yet.

Ryan: I grew up in Newbury Park, between Los Angeles and Santa Barbara. I found it surprising that The Urinals played an early show in Santa Barbara (at George’s on November 4, 1979). The recording was recently released as a live LP, Pin the Needles. You must have been the conduit for that show.

Kat: Yeah. There was a band that was playing up there, The Neighbors, and someone in the group worked at a record store in Goleta. I would go and hang out there and that’s how that connection was made. Santa Barbara doesn’t seem that likely, does it? There wasn’t much going on up there.

Ryan: Nearly zero. You don’t think of Santa Barbara and punk.

Kat: There was a little bit. There was The Rotters.

Ryan: That’s true. Lance Loud was from Santa Barbara.

Kat: But he had moved on.

Ryan: Right. To New York.

Kat: I lived in Isla Vista. The Rotters played a park there and I saw them. I would walk down the street and people would yell, “Hey, punk rock!” Nobody looked like that in Santa Barbara then. There was this club called The Fubar in Goleta. I saw Magazine play there. There were probably 15 people there. It was not a crowd. People didn’t know about them.

John might not frame it this way, but I was also pretty instrumental in setting up the Raul’s shows in Austin (March 27, 1978, and March 28, 1978).

Ryan: That’s interesting.

Kat: Phil Tolstead had been John’s roommate (at UT), so I can’t say that they weren’t close. But I had a connection with the Huns. The Urinals played with the Re-Cords (at Raul’s) which was Tom Huckabee from the Huns’ band. They also played with the Norvells which was Sally Norvell’s band. I don’t have a specific remembrance of setting the Raul’s shows up, but I was always writing letters to (Huns keyboardist) Dan (Puckett), Victoria (Jones) and less to Phil (Tolstead). Phil could hardly manage to write you back. We were in touch a lot. When the Huns had their bust (September 19, 1978), they sent me a T-shirt with the image of Phil being arrested by the police officer. I still have a photo of me wearing it. I think I have the original cover art for their 7”. Victoria painted the cover and sent it to me. I’ll have to look for it. I’ve got boxes filled with stuff.

Ryan: It’s pretty amazing that the first Urinals show outside of UCLA was in Austin at Raul’s. Do you recall trekking out there?

Kat: I think we drove out to Austin in Kjehl’s Chevy Caprice. It was a small Chevy; it wasn’t big. We crammed everyone in there. My particular gift is that I wake up very early. When everyone else can’t drive another moment, I’m starting to wake up. With the four of us we were able to make it to Austin in one shot. I think it was 27 hours. We just brought guitars. Kevin borrowed Tom Huckabee’s drums. We stayed with friends and drank a lot of frozen margaritas. I think those two shows at Raul’s happened over spring break (1978). That was the only time everyone could get together to leave town.

Ryan: That makes sense.

Kat: Yeah. We weren’t in school or working.

Urinals performing at a house party. Photo by Kat Talley-Jones

Ryan: Can you talk about writing “Ack Ack Ack Ack.” As far as I know, it’s your only songwriting credit, but it’s a great one.

Kat: Right. Why not stay on a highpoint? I had heard the news reports about Brenda Spencer, the girl who shot some kids in school. It was the same event that inspired the song “I Don’t Like Mondays” (by the Boomtown Rats). I was thinking about that. When I was a kid, as everyone does, I’d play war with friends. We’d chase each other around and pretend to shoot each other. The boys—I don’t know if it was genetic or what—but they could always make that machine gun sound better than I could. I was always jealous. They could vocalize “Ack Ack Ack Ack” and I couldn’t. It was a word you’d see in comic books. I always liked it as a sound. Why did I name the subject of the song Johnny? Possibly because of John.

Ryan: How did the music come together? You wrote the lyrics and John composed the music?

Kat: I wrote the lyrics. I typed them up. I was still in Isla Vista. I probably mailed them to John. But we saw each other virtually every weekend. I would drive down (to West Los Angeles) and occasionally he’d drive up. But John had an old Volkswagen that couldn’t get over the Conejo Grade.

Ryan: I lived right at the top of the Conejo Grade for years. I know exactly what you’re talking about.

Kat: Yeah. So John would take the Greyhound Bus to Santa Barbara and he’d smell like the bus for a day or two. It’d take a while to get that smell out.

Ryan: Los Angeles to Santa Barbara isn’t too far. Nevertheless, it’s still about a two-hour drive.

Kat: There would be a Urinals or 100 Flowers show. Afterwards, I’d sleep until about 4 AM. And then I’d scoot out when there was no traffic to work. I had a Buick Skyhawk with a V6 engine. It was a terrible car; the clutch cable would always break. I’d drive it straight to work. It’s no wonder why I didn’t get the best performance reviews.

Ryan: Do you recall taking the photo for the Presence of Mind 7” EP? It has a real dada feel to it.

Kat: John came up with the idea. I think it was taken at Kevin’s apartment. I don’t know why it was just John and Kjehl (on the front cover). It feels like Kevin was developing in another direction. He had gotten extremely political. I wrapped them up in newspaper and took the photo. That one turned out nice because the black and white was more saturated. It seemed like the photos for the other albums were washed out. We may have had a rudimentary darkroom; it’s possible we made the prints ourselves. That sounds like something we would’ve done. It’s insane to me that we have so few photos. We just couldn’t afford it at the time.

Ryan: You’ve compiled an amazing Urinals and 100 Flowers gigography. How did you put it together?

Kat: I had these tiny datebooks my dad would get from the USAA. I would get one and he’d keep one. When we lived in Iran, I’d make daily notes. What I was doing in Tehran, the dates I’d been on and other things. I had a habit of making daily notes. Later on, I went back to those little pocket calendars and made that gig list. It’s moderately accurate.

Ryan: It’s an incredible resource. I didn’t realize 100 Flowers played Phoenix with the Meat Puppets (on October 17, 1981). I thought those early shows at Raul’s in Austin was the only time the early incarnation of the band left California.

Kat: We drove in Seabiscuit—the name I gave my horrible Buick Skyhawk. Again, it was Kevin, John, Kjehl and I and we drove straight to Phoenix. We left early. I remember Savage Republic drove out too and played; they might have been called Africa Corps then. I did take some decent photos of that show. It was at a boxing ring (Phoenix Madison Square Gardens). There’s a nice one of John and David Wiley that I took. David was in Human Hands.

Ryan: The Consumers too.

Kat: Right. We stayed at David’s house. Bruce Licher and the other Savage Republic guys stayed with the Meat Puppets at their place. The Savage Republic guys were pretty clean cut, but the Meat Puppets took acid and were playing cowboys and Indians over them all night.

Ryan: That makes sense.

Kat: Yeah (laughs). It was always kind of a blitzkrieg thing. We actually spent one night in Arizona. 100 Flowers played in San Francisco. We drove up for the gig and then drove back home (to Los Angeles) afterwards. It was pretty horrendous.

Ryan: I’ve done Los Angeles to Phoenix and back to see a show. It’s pretty rough.

Kat: It’s doable.

Ryan: I did it in my early twenties. I’d just spring for a motel now.

Kat: Yeah. I mean, if they were playing in San Diego now, we’d stay the night at a hotel. We drove back from a show in San Diego one time. A truck tire bounced over the center divider and hopped over us, hitting the car behind us. That was scary.

Ryan: With the benefit of hindsight, it’s interesting seeing The Urinals evolve. You can hear their musicianship develop on each EP. Eventually, they’d release compilations like Keats Rides a Harley on their own imprint, Happy Squid. I picture The Shaggs evolving like that had they actually wanted to be in a band. There aren’t many similar examples. Maybe The Raincoats? I can’t think of any at the moment from Los Angeles.

Kat: They learned more and more as they went along. I don’t think they initially had aspirations to release, say, Keats Rides a Harley or The Happy Squid Sampler. An LP was unthinkable when they started. I’m sure John and Kjehl have mentioned this, but getting a mentor like Vitus (Mataré) was key. Vitus knew how to do things. Obviously, being in The Last he had a much broader reach. They knew Gary Stewart (The Last’s manager) and people who were more record business savvy. But there was never any aspiration to get picked up by a record label. That was also unthinkable. It wasn’t a political thing: “We’re pure of heart. We’re not going to sign.” But who would’ve signed The Urinals in that era? There was some interaction with Greg Shaw at Bomp! It seemed like it was all a natural progression. It wasn’t aspirational—if that makes sense.

Ryan: It does. The Urinals and 100 Flowers weren’t trying to get on Enigma Records.

Kat: Right. I think it was really satisfying to put out friends’ work. I think about the little Happy Squid Sampler (1980). Getting stuff out by Neef and Phil Bedel (“Bells in Ice” 45, 1980). I’m not going to say it was done out of generosity of spirit; they’d just figured out how to do it. John is extremely thrifty and a monetarily conscious person. Doing things as cheaply as possible resonated with him. They were playing with all of these great bands—Leaving Trains, Meat Puppets, and Gun Club—and they had simply figured out how to get records made. So they did it without being careerist. It was coming from an artistic standpoint.

Ryan: Do you recall the last two 100 Flowers shows at the Anti-Club (January 28 and 29, 1983)? I think that was the only time the band headlined a bill.

Kat: Oh yeah. It was so crazy—it was celebratory, but it was also the end of the band. There was that psychological development: celebrating and mourning at the same time. I don’t know why, but it always seemed like 100 Flowers played when it was raining. That’s true up until the present. I think the Anti-Club shows happened during an El Nino year. It was really wet outside; everyone at the club was wet. It was humid; the walls were dripping. The Minutemen played. It was a lot of fun. I remember thinking, “Why couldn’t it have been like this all the time?” But people didn’t appreciate them until they were ending the band.

The second night was with the Leaving Trains and The Last. I don’t remember that show being as wild as the one where The Minutemen played. But how could it ever be?

Ryan: With the release of the Negative Capability compilation and reunion in 1996, it seemed like folks caught up with the Urinals. It was the same thing with Mission of Burma when they reunited.

Kat: Yes. Honestly, I think some of it had to do with the singles being collectors’ items. They were being bootlegged back in the 1990s. “Oh, that band I paid $100 for their 7” is reforming.” Perhaps I’m wrong on that

Ryan: I think you’re right. I was in New York City two years ago and I went to Almost Ready Records. They had just gotten the first Urinals 7” EP in. I remember saying, “Oh, wow! That’s the first one I’ve seen in the wild.” It has an effect.

Kat: Oh really?

Ryan: Yeah. I’d never seen an original copy of the first 7” before. Those records suck you in. We were talking about Vitus and The Last earlier: I recall seeing a test press of Look Again (1980)—obviously, the record was never released—on the wall at Amoeba for hundreds of dollars in the mid-2000s. It sticks with you. Especially with self-released records like The Urinals 7”s. They had an initial small pressing, limited distribution, and often record labels—with or without a band’s approval—will repress titles once used copies hit a certain price. If you released it and you’re not repressing them, prices go up and they sometimes get pirated.

Kat: It always irritated me. The band never saw any of that money. Like I said, John was very thrifty. I’m sure he wasn’t in the red. But they weren’t sold for much originally. I don’t know how many copies of the first EP we have. I’d be surprised if it was five. You wanted them out in the world.

Ryan: You’re still involved with the Urinals and 100 Flowers. I see you’re still taking photographs. It’s amazing seeing them play places like Belgium and China.

Kat: Yeah. I always thought they were doing interesting things. It wasn’t random. I had mentioned that their records being scarce had some allure, but they were doing something different. They continue to. All of John’s iterations of the band have been good. There are things I’ve liked more than other things. There have been times where I’ve liked the band less than at other times. But they’ve persisted because they have merit. All of the band members have a vision. I believe in it. There have been times where I’ve been busy with my own work and haven’t gone to shows. As I mentioned earlier, I wake up early, so having a set start at midnight isn’t always my favorite thing. But I enjoy watching them play. I think John appreciates that if I think something sucks that I’ll tell him. But not with an axe to grind.

Kat and John today, photo by Pat Aldarete.

#urinals #100flowers #kattalleyjones #johntalleyjones #ackackackack #happysquid

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itsdaggerandsheath · 5 years ago

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An Introduction to Sex (Part 2)

To be quite honest with you, I don’t know when Fanfiction first really became popular or mainstream, nor do I know if it’s still those things. What I do know though was that it was a huge influence on my knowledge of sexuality as I was growing up. A good chunk of my education on sex as an… ”activity”, rather than solely a means of reproduction, came from Fanfiction.

It’s occurring to me that perhaps some people reading this may not know what Fanfiction is, so I suppose I should attempt to explain it before I really get on with the story.

Have you ever watched a TV show and really wished that your two favorite characters would just fall in love already?! With Fanfiction, you can write your own perfect story on how you picture that special moment happening, then publish it online for other people to read. Have you ever had a massive celebrity crush that you just wish would notice you? You can write a Fanfiction all about said celebrity falling for a character based on you! Anything goes with Fanfiction, really. Do you think the singer of your favorite band is into BDSM? Write a fic about them tying you up and ass-fucking you (or a character that you come up with) until the ropes make your wrists bleed. What about a disturbingly specific and detailed fic about your favorite band members squirting milk up the bottom’s asshole to clean out for anal sex (with more emphasis on the milk than the sex itself)? Yup, that exists. What about a fic involving your favorite YouTubers in which a live hamster is shoved up the sub’s asshole and the dom fills an entire hat with semen? Yes, it’s out there. (Bonus points to anyone who knows which fics I’m referring to).

While some Fanfictions are wonderfully crafted love stories full of heart and passion, others…aren’t. And hey, smut is fine, I’ve read *cough* and written *cough* plenty of it myself. But surely, you would think, that the more explicit Fanfictions wouldn’t be accessible to those under the age in which it would be appropriate to read them, right?

Wrong.

I was eleven years old.

I’d first come to discover Fanfiction through my favorite Disney television show at the time, Austin and Ally. Yes, that show that Ross Lynch was on. It was my favorite show in my tweens, and I wanted the two main characters – Austin and Ally, obviously – to end up becoming a couple so badly. My original goal was to see if maybe the writers of the show had hinted at the possibility of the two characters becoming a couple in an interview or something. So, I pulled out my phone – because my parents thought it was smart to let an eleven year old have a cellphone with full Internet access – and simply typed in, “When will Austin and Ally get together?”

I did not find an interview with the show’s writers – instead, I found chatrooms, wiki forums, and YouTube videos from young people like myself who all had the same opinions on the subject as myself. I then clicked on a link that I thought was just going to be a post on some website from someone talking about how they wanted these characters to end up together like I did, but it was actually a link to a story on Fanfiction.net that I read and finished in the same day. From then on, I was hooked.

Now, right away, I noticed that these stories had a rating system. I’m not sure if the rating system for Fanfiction.net has changed at all since it’s been years since I’ve been on there, but at the time, it was something like rated G, PG, T, and M (there might have been a T+ in between T and M, but I don’t remember). As I was eleven at the time, I stuck to the G and PG stories. Who would write rated M stories about a Disney show anyway? Oh, how naïve I was.

One day, I read the summary for a new story that sounded exciting, so I opened it up without looking at the rating or the word count. All I saw was how many people at commented, so I figured it was a popular story that a lot of people liked! Turns out, it was a 300-word one-shot (meaning, it was a single chapter) consisting of Ally naked on her knees saying “please” over and over again while Austin rubs one out and eventually comes all over her face.

I would like to issue a formal apology to Ross Lynch and Laura Marano.

Seeing as I was eleven, I was traumatized, and was extra careful from then on (for a while, at least) to always check if the story was rated M.

I was just so confused. I’d grown up being told that touching yourself was wrong, so why was there a one-shot about it on Fanfiction. And why did he do it on her face?! Such a concept had been unheard of to me at the time (because I was eleven). I was disgusted. I felt sick. I felt dirty. I felt wrong.

I felt curious.

But I was so afraid that I’d read something else strange or that I’d never known people to do sexually, I was afraid of what I’d learn, that despite my curiosity, I didn’t intentionally click on a rated M fic again until I was twelve. By this time, I’d had my first period and a few more, so I’d officially began puberty and became even more curious about sexuality. So, I began to search specifically for rated M Fanfictions because I wanted to know more about what sex was like and I was too scared to watch porn (we’ll get to that in Part 3).

What I experienced while I read these sex scenes was something new, exciting. Why did I feel a throbbing sensation in my vulva? Why was I getting a tingling sensation like I had to pee? Why was my underwear getting wet? As I continued to read more and more of this erotic Fanfiction, I read about the female characters feeling similar sensations when they were feeling “aroused” or “horny”, which were new words for me. Why did I have to learn this through Fanfiction rather than in school?

I then showed my new discovery to all my friends (of course). I remember when my entire cheerleading team had a sleepover, I’d told two of my closest friends on the team that I’d found Fanfiction with sex in it. Later that night, as the three of us lay in our sleeping bags with me in the middle, we huddled together to read the erotica on my phone. I remember them asking me things like, “How do girls come?”, “What does *insert word here* mean?” and “How does *insert sexual act here* work?”. I remember I loved telling them what I knew, like I had some fantastic, secret knowledge, and that it was my duty to share it with everyone I knew my age. So, I did. Soon all my friends were reading smutty Fanfictions.

While still in my Disney phase, I ventured into the world of gay and lesbian fics as well. I didn’t know how sexual encounters worked between those of the same sex worked, so I read them more so out of curiosity rather than in search for arousal. However, I found that they aroused me anyway. I remember the first time I read a lesbian Fanfiction wishing I was in the characters’ shoes (I hadn’t realized I was bisexual yet, but that was a decent indicator), and then I read a fic with a threesome between two men and a woman and wondered why I hadn’t read it sooner.

Why hadn’t I learned how same-sex couples have sex at all in school? Why didn’t I learn that males having sex with other males should still use condoms? Or that females having sex with other females should use dental dams? Why did I have to learn about these through Fanfiction of all things?

By age fourteen, I had graduated from Austin and Ally and Fanfiction.net, and I eventually moved into my emo phase where I ventured into the world of band fics on Wattpad (I would also like to issue a formal apology to Chris Motionless and all of Motionless in White). It was here that I learned about BDSM – and Tumblr, but we’ll talk about that in Part 3. I was reading Wattpad stories about my favorite band, Motionless in White, and I’m pretty sure in every sex scene I ever read involving a girl and one of the band members (I mostly stuck to the ones about Chris because I adore him to this day) had mentions of spanking or some other form of impact play, and bondage was also seen very often, and occasionally a ball gag here and there. A common fantasy, it would seem, among young girls from all over the world who were probably far too young to be writing out such fantasies about men in their thirties. Oh yeah, sexual Fanfiction is plenty toxic too. I was fourteen reading brutal sex scenes about men who were way older than me, and a lot of the rougher/BDSM-esque fics were written in a way that made it seem like the sub was actually being raped as opposed to consenting to what was going on.

Luckily, I saw this pretty quickly and knew that it was wrong, and I made sure to stop reading a Fanfiction if it seemed to be portraying rape in a romantic light. It’s likely that the person who wrote the Fanfiction didn’t intentionally mean to make the “sex” scene look like rape (although, having a girl scream “No, I don’t want to!” but then all of the sudden enjoying it once the guy forces himself inside of her should very obviously be seen was wrong), and they were just uneducated.

And then, by age 16, I began reading exclusively gay Fanfiction about my favorite YouTubers, Dan Howell and Phil Lester – who I will not be issuing a formal apology to because they have stated that they whole-heartedly support Fanfiction, and have even gone as far as to read Fanfiction about themselves in videos, write Fanfiction about themselves for their book, and perform a parody of a Fanfiction about them live on stage in front of thousands of people. So. Anyway. I learned a lot about butt sex. Do you think they teach you about lube in school? Nah. But I learned about it from gay YouTuber Fanfiction.

In Part 3 (which will be the last part of this series) I’ll discuss how websites like Tumblr and YouTube shaped my views on sexuality before I actually started having sex, and both the positive and negative impacts they had on me. In the meantime, have you ever read an extremely sexual Fanfiction that lowkey traumatized you? Did you get the most of your sex education from a probably-not-reliable-source like I did? Tell me your stories in the comments, or feel free to message me on Instagram @daggerandsheath

I love you all and thank you so much for reading!

- Dagger and Sheath

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yikesola · 5 years ago

Note

But Renee I want you to talk about all the fics! Which is probably not gonna work bc you have 113 of them on ao3 right now!! Have you talked about the breakup scene in odd uneven time I feel like you have but you could do it again? Or could you talk about something in one of your first commissioned fics? Or anything in A Unique Problem? But please, I would rather hear A Lot about any of these than a little about one of them xxx

cal🥺🥺🥺🥺 i’m always happy to ladle up some brain soup for ya!

so the breakup scene in “The Odd Uneven Time” was something i wanted to be v careful and intentional about— it was something that had me big nervous, bc even with the 2009 timeline there’s lots of things that are open to interpretation (like whether dan was single at the time of his emo tweets on Oct9, for example) and though BIG cleared up a lot in terms of dan’s feelings of his own sexuality at the time, the A+ line “Wow, I had a lot fun with many different kinds of people in 2009. Let's just say I got a lot out of my system. Got a couple of things in my system, too. Sorry.” does little to clear up for me when The Breakup happened (information i’m not demanding btw, i only want it for i want my fic to be Accurate and Right reasons and those.. simply aren’t good enough reasons lol) sooooo ,, basically i had to look at myself and say “there’s no way this fic is gonna be 100% and you have to be okay with that.” and i am! now ..... alskfks at the time of writing it i was needlessly stressed. and the breakup scene was one of the more stressful — i wanted it to be clear that dan should’ve done this earlier, i wanted it to be clear that alice is being hurt but also could have done something earlier as well, that they’re both being stubborn and scared and eighteen years old and that at the end of all things, it’s good they’re breaking up and they’ll both be okay. i think i did that ,, i hope i did that.

so my first bundle of commissions were for @oriharakaoru and i had such a lovely time doing them, i’m forever pleased that i was given some v specific prompts but also some “surprise me!” freedom, it was a wonderful balance to learn how to fulfill. i’ll talk about “Resourcefulness” which was my second commission and one without a specific prompt. i’d seen this text post a few months before and tucked it away in drafts bc i was like “this is of course a dnp fic waiting to happen.....” (i almost always have a loop of dan’s face when phil says “you should never go to sleep on an argument, it’s one of the mottos i live by” in one of the dream daddy episodes😩 like.... frustrated dan has been on the end of “let me fucking sleep phil” / “no, we’re not gong to bed angry!” and you can’t tell me otherwise) this combined with my semi-occasional rant with keelin about the Cold Beers Hot Women shirt (godddd i hope that shirt was bought by some manchester lesbian after dan donated it while clearing out his closet..... it’s camp and i half love it, half hate the implications of dan choosing to wear it in these years🥺😭) and that’s..... how i wound up with “Resourcefulness” 👌

i love love “A Unique Problem” for a lot of reasons, one of which is bc i think it’s arguably the spiritual sequel to my very first phanfic baby “Conjuncture” — mostly bc they both have a focus on dan’s depression recovery in how it relates to 1)asking for help, and 2)phil’s role. the radio show moment “A Unique Problem” is based on reminds me of the liveshow moment “Conjuncture” is based on: they’re moments i was introduced to via “cute phan proof complications 🤪🙌” i clicked with general frenzy in my reintroduction to the phandom back in summer2018 (wow..... has it been that long? 🥺 i love y’all) and was just like “okay youtube recommendations, catch me up! what did i miss in the last six years of dan and phil? (the answer is, of course, A LOT). they were moments giggled over, moments with zoom ins and funny comic sans captioning, they were light. and they were also moments that the more i watched them, the more my heart broke. phil’s terror in his eyes when he sees dan left his phone behind? heartbreaking when you have the context that dan would do this during bad days and that phil was really fucking worried about him but had to keep up a face for the rest of the liveshow. dan’s terror in his eyes when phil says the word “boyfriend” on the bbc? heartbreaking when you have the context that they’re live and dan can’t do anything about the fact he’d rather phil not even nudge their plausible deniability right there. i wrote both fics as a way to work though that heartbreak i guess, and to understand these little moments as they fit into the tapestry of dnp’s lives in front of us, mental health and all, as a whole. and i’m pretty proud of them😌

hope this was what you were looking for bb😭💞

#ask #answered #calvinahobbes #ask meme

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paradisobound · 6 years ago

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I Want It, I Got It: Chapter 20

Summary: Phil Lester was a worker for the BBC in London. Working in the advertising department, he was content being alongside his friend and fellow coworker PJ during every shift. However, the BBC is temporarily being used as a film set for a new movie staring Hollywood ‘It’ star, Daniel Howell. Being stuck as an extra on the set, Phil finds it’s hard to ignore the famous star. And maybe, just maybe, Dan finds it hard to ignore Phil as well.

Word Count: 4k (this chapter)

Warnings: Occasional swearing and alcohol and sexual content

Rating: Explicit

Updates will be every Sunday around 1pm EST

**MASTERLIST | READ ON AO3 | WATTPAD**

This party felt a bit different than the one that was at Dan’s house just a few nights before. This one felt a bit more intimate and if Phil was being honest, that made it that much scarier to him.

He felt completely out place and like there was nowhere for him to hide. At Dan’s party, there had been so many people that it didn’t make a difference if he tried to push through the crowds of people and move on to a different area. But right now, he was stuck in the middle of a conversation at Dan’s side at a pub table that was dressed up way too fancy…Phil was sure that there were Swarovski crystals lining the outside. He was afraid to so much as leave a finger print on them.

Dan looked right in his element though and maybe that was what made Phil a tad bit more scared that he should have been. Dan looked so comfortable and poised and here was Phil, stood with his elbows on the edge of the pearl white table cloth and a half-drunk glass of Champagne stood in-between his hands.

Dan had introduced him to these people who he was speaking to but Phil can’t bothered to actually remember what Dan said about them. All he knew is that Dan knew them from his movie and that’s all.

“…Phil lives in London.”

Phil picked his head up and looked at Dan.

“Oh really? Which area?”

“I’m not sure,” Dan said, turning his head towards Phil. “Which area is it?”

Phil looked at the brunette who was currently stood on the other side of the table, her arms folded elegantly on the edge as her bracelets draped her forearms. “Victoria.”

“Oh, Victoria!” She cooed in a way that made Phil want to roll his eyes. He actually doubted she knew where Victoria was. He wasn’t trying to be brash about it, to be fair, he wasn’t sure many people even knew London was broken up that way it was. He didn’t until he looked for flats.

“It quite cute.” Dan commented. “His flat is near a beautiful park. And he also has the cutest puppy ever.”

Phil was quite in shock. Had Dan been speaking so openly to this other person about him and he was just not paying any attention to notice? Or was Dan really just playing up the ‘we’re friends’ card? Phil wasn’t quite sure anymore.

“Puppy?” She said. “Do you have photos? I’d love to see it.”

“Oh course I have photos, Mimei.”

Phil suddenly felt his stomach drop out of his ass. Was he really not paying that much attention to anything around him to know that this was Mimei Lake? She had a different hair color from the blonde locks she had in the attached photo from the email a couple months ago. Now it was a natural red color that reminded him of his own―but maybe her’s was a bit lighter.

Phil watched as Dan pulled out his phone and put it on the table as he turned it around and showed her all of the photos of Spike he must have taken when he was in London. Phil watched as Dan scrolled through the photos but he didn’t recognize any of them. Nor did he know Dan had taken so many selfies with his pup.

“What’s his name?”

“Spike.” Dan and Phil both answered at the same time, causing Mimei to laugh.

“Where did the name come from?” She asked. “Because that sounds like the name of a ferocious beast but he looks to be the cuddliest creature alive.”

“It’s from a character on one of my favorite TV shows Buffy.”

Phil watched as Mimei’s eyes lit up. “Buffy? Oh my gosh, I loved Buffy as a teen! Sarah Michelle Gellar was my idol!”

“I used to have the biggest crush on her.” Phi admitted with a chuckle. Dan laughed to himself next to him. “My mum used to find it weird how I had her photos hanging on the walls of my room.”

“Amazing.” Mimei commented with a smile. “That sounds like me with Aaron Carter.”

“You both with your teenage celebrity crushes.”

Phil and Mimei both looked at Dan with wide eyes. “You’ve never had a celebrity crush?” Phil asked, elbowing Dan gently in the side. “That’s hard to believe.”

“Why?” Dan asked. “I had celebrity crushes but I’m not gonna admit them.”

“And why’s that?” Phil pressed. “How bad could they be?”

“I’m not saying.”

Phil was going to press more on the subject when someone else rounded to the table and stood by Mimei, placing her arm around Mimei’s waist. “Hello, Dan.”

“Hi, Dayna.”

Okay, so now Phil had another person to remember the name of. This time, their name was Dayna. That didn’t seem so bad to try and remember.

“Phil, this is Dayna, Mimei’s wife.”

Phil cocked his eyebrow up. That was a pleasant surprise. Maybe that’s why Dan was comfortable mentioning Phil so much around her. “Pleasure to meet you.” Dayna said, sticking out her hand for Phil to shake.

“Dayna, this is Phil, my boyfriend.”

Phil had to admit that it took a bit of his breath away to hear Dan formally introduce him as his boyfriend to someone else. He panicked a bit, looking around to make sure that no one else heard anything. Everyone else was in their own little worlds around the tables, just mingling with each other.

“Ah, so you’re the famous Phil who Dan wouldn’t shut up about.”

Phil looked at Dan with a smile just in time to see red flourish on his cheeks.

“Wouldn’t shut up about me, huh?”

Dan just shook his head. “Stop embarrassing me.”

“You do it to yourself, bud.” Mimei said with a warm chuckle.

Dayna leaned over and whispered something in Mimei’s ear before Mimei looked up and smiled at them both. “We have to get going but it was great seeing you again, Dan. I know we’re done filming our parts together but it was a pleasure working with you.”

“You as well.” Dan nodded back as Mimei and Dayna grasped hands and headed off towards another section of the room.

“They’re both super nice.” Phil commented once they were gone.

Dan nodded. “I loved working with Mimei.” He paused. “Although it was a bit awkward filming our sex scene when she’s a lesbian and I’m a gay male. Didn’t quite work how it should have but…”

“I can’t wait to see the film.”

Phil hadn’t really ever said that aloud because he wasn’t quite sure himself if he even was interested in the film before. But now he wants to support Dan in any way that he can.

“I can’t wait for you to see it.”

Dan began to lean down and Phil was ready to accept the kiss when Dan suddenly stopped and stiffened, standing up a bit straighter and stopping his movements. “We actually probably shouldn’t kiss here. Do you want to head out? I’m hungry and these tiny sandwiches aren’t doing much.”

Phil smiled at him and nodded and they both left, their flutes of champagne long forgotten on the table.

***

Dan had a driver chauffeur them around LA to get food and they managed to stop at just a quick burger place to grab food to take back to Dan’s house. By the time they got back, it was well past midnight and Phil was feeling a bit tired, but still a little buzzed from the party.

It was apparent that Dan was a bit buzzed himself with a second wind of energy when they both got ready for bed and Dan laid down before Phil and reached for his phone, not even blinking or yawning in the process.

Phil watched him for a moment as he rushed out a text with his finger tips and then threw his phone off the side of the bed and turned back to Phil with a smile. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

Phil will never get tired of this. Of seeing Dan in such a natural state like lying in bed with his pajamas on, his hair slightly messy and his eyes a bit glassy from the alcohol buzzing in his system.

Phil’s said it once, and he’ll say it forever but Dan really was an angel.

“Can I ask you something?” Dan says out of the blue.

Phil feels his heart sink about but the hopeful look in Dan’s eyes make him remember that they promised to be there for each other and to never give up on the other person. He had to remember that, even if the question had his heart beating out of his chest.

“Of course.”

“Do you reckon we’re moving a bit fast?”

Phil doesn’t know what he was expecting to be the question Dan was going to ask but it certainly was not that question. He felt his heart flutter a bit more before his eyes glazed over a bit.

“What do you mean?”

He was preparing for the worst. Maybe Dan was having second thoughts about all of this? Maybe Dan decided that he couldn’t be with some loser like Phil who wasn’t rich or famous? Maybe Dan decided that Phil wasn’t good enough for him?

Dan let out a loud sigh that broke Phil out of his pessimistic thoughts. “It’s…not anything bad, per se.” Dan begins, rolling onto his back as if he’s avoiding making eye contact. “But I feel as if I don’t really know you?”

Phil felt his heart break a bit more.

Dan rolled back onto his side and looked up at Phil. “No matter how I say this, I’m aware I’m going to look like a dick but it’s just…let’s get to know each other, yeah? I don’t want to rush forward and not know anything about you.”

Phil let out a staggering breath. “But this isn’t you giving up on me, right?”

Dan suddenly shot up and moved so he was sitting onto his backside on the bed, looking straight at Phil. He reached out and placed his hands on Phil’s jaw, steadying the slight wobble that it was beginning to have.

“No, God, no!” Dan quickly reassured. “You mean the absolute world to me, Phil.”

Phil felt like he wanted to believe him but his heart was still a bit ragged and his mind was a bit clouded.

“And you’re the one supposed to not be giving up on me, remember?”

Phil felt his head nod subconsciously.

“So we’re not breaking up?” Phil asks, the question lingering in the air.

Dan moved his hands around to behind Phil’s neck and drew Phil closer, planting a firm kiss on his lips that cause Phil to hesitate before reciprocating. He reached around and put his hand on Dan’s side, feeling the soft flesh mould under his fingers.

Dan pulled away and shook his head. “You’re it for me, Phil. That’s what I’m trying to say. You’re my person and I can tell already that we’re meant for each other. That’s why I want to get to know you. Now if you’re going to start crying, can you maybe warn me first because I’ll cry if you cry and I really don’t want to go to bed with swollen and sore eyes.”

Phil let out a soft chuckle of relief as he and Dan disentangled themselves away from each other long enough for him to wipe away the moisture from under his eyes. “Now,” Dan continued. “Let’s play like twenty questions or something. You ask a question, I have to answered and we’ll go back and forth until we either get bored or pass out. I’ll go first!” Dan situates himself across from Phil on the bed and smiles. “How old were you when you have your first kiss?”

Phil scoffed. “Oh we’re playing this kind of twenty questions?” Phil teased. “What are we? Twelve year olds at a slumber party?”

“Hell fucking yes, Phil!” Dan bellowed out. “After this will do each others hair and then have a pillow fight.”

“Shouldn’t we be drinking for this?” Phil asks.

“Quit stalling and answer the question, mate!”

“I was sixteen.”

Dan’s eyes widened and Phil suddenly felt his cheeks flush. “Oh, Phil!”

“I was a late bloomer.” He mumbled, trying to hide the embarrassment from his voice.

Dan noticed and reeled the conversation back in. “If it makes you feel any different, mine was when I was age 6 with a girl named Lilith and all she did was lean forward plant her mouth on mine. It was quite gross.”

Phil let out a laugh. “How old were you when you decided you wanted to go into acting?”

Dan leaned back a bit and looked up at the ceiling of his bedroom. Phil studied his body, looking for any signs of discomfort coming from Dan just in case he stepped over a boundary that he didn’t really mean to.

“Well, that’s a bit of a loaded question.” Dan says, finally looking down. “Because I decided I wanted to audition for my community theatre’s play when I was quite young but I didn’t fully decide that being an actor was something I wanted to pursue until I was about 14 or 15. It kind of came with the mentality of people always telling me I was good at it and that I had the ability to act.” When he’s done, Phil looks at him and notices that Dan’s face is a bit sullen and a bit sad. But he doesn’t look hurt or upset about answering the question. “When did you decide to work for the BBC?”

“When I realized that I had no clue where I was going in life and I felt like I needed a sense of direction.”

That was the honest truth. Phil applied for the BBC on a whim. He had no intentions of ever getting the job nor getting near London to even take the job. But he received it and was stuck working in the BBC in an office all day with Louise, PJ, and Gemma.

But he doesn’t hate what he does. He just hates that he lost the passion he once had to go work for an office in London.

“And the BBC gave you that?”

Phil had half a mind to joke with Dan and tell him that he couldn’t ask more than one question but honestly, he felt like he needed to answer this one. Not only to give Dan an answer, but also give himself an answer as well.

“No.” Phil answered truthfully. “It gave me friends and it gave me memories and it gave me money. But in the end, it also gave me a job that…” Phil let his thoughts linger off before he looked at Dan and their eyes met and he finally spoke the words he hadn’t thought he’d ever speak. “But it also gave me a job that I hate.”

Phil doesn’t think hate is the correct term. He doesn’t hate the BBC or hate what he does. But he does hate how the BBC took up his time and his job took his time away from him to follow the true passion he used to have which is YouTube.

“Then why do you stay?”

“I thought this was going back and forth.”

Phil partly teased that but he also kind of wanted to drop the subject and move onto something much more lighthearted than talking about how actually miserable he is. He didn’t realize he was even this miserable until he began talking about the BBC right then.

Dan smiled at him. “Ask me something then.”

“Be honest with me, okay?” Phil began and Dan nodded. “Do you wish your life wasn’t like this?”

“Like what?”

“Followed by paparazzi all the time? Having a house with a gate you can only get through by using an access code? Your name the source of news and headlines all over the world and fangirls crawling all over your tweets and speculating about everything you do?”

“I hate my life, Phil.” Phil looked at Dan and saw the way his jaw wobbled as he reached up and stubbornly wiped away a tear from his cheek. “This life isn’t what you want, Phil. It’s not even what I want anymore. And If I could leave it all behind, I would.” He looked at Phil quickly before squeezing his eyes shut tightly as another tear slid down his cheek and Phil moved forward quickly to wipe it away. Dan shivered underneath his touch and opened his eyes, staring into Phil’s with a grateful look. “I want to be normal, like you. I want to work for the BBC in an office job and make YouTube videos and have friends who actually care about me. But I’ll never get any of that.”

My life was always characterized by my name and it forever will be. For fucks sake, I have word that I might even be getting a Hollywood Star of Fame sometime next year. I have no chance for a normal life anymore. I have no chance for that. And maybe it’s a bit selfish but I want to live vicariously through you. I want to be with you when you go to the BBC and I want to be with you when you make your videos because any chance I have at a normal life, I want to grab at it and never let it go. Because my life will never go back to normal, Phil. It just can’t.”

Phil waited until everything Dan was saying was over before he studied Dan’s face and watched as he wiped his tears away before sniffling and let out a shuttering breath.

“I’m sorry for just unloading all of that onto you.” Dan says, letting out a small laugh. “It felt really good to actually get all of that out but I hope it doesn’t like, scare you away or anything.”

Phil shook his head. “No, I totally get everything you’re saying.”

Dan gives him a look of ‘you really don’t but I appreciate the sentiment’, before he lets out a long yawn and gives Phil a sympathetic look. “I’m really tired now. Do you want to get ready for bed?”

Phil’s eyes feel a bit sore and weary so he nods.

Dan stands up quickly and makes his way to the bathroom first, shutting the door behind him. Phil is left sitting on the bed, gathering all of his thoughts about everything Dan had just said to him. It was a lot to process and it was a bit hard for Phil to really think about at this hour and also with his mindset.

Dan came back out a few minutes later and by that time, Phil had already settled into bed under the duvet, waiting for Dan to come back. Once under the duvet, Dan immediately rolled into Phil and Phil wrapped his around him, letting himself snuggle the younger male.

The amount of vulnerability and openness that Dan showed Phil tonight was something he would never forget and he was convinced that it’s something that will strengthen their relationship from this point forward into the future. Dan was right after all. They really did need to get to know each other before they can move on.

“I’m glad we had this talk.” Dan said, his voice coming out a bit muffled from talking into Phil’s chest.

He pulled back a bit and Dan looked up at him in the pale moonlight of his room that was seeping in through the sheer curtains. “Me too.”

Dan leaned forward and connected their lips together. Phil pushed forward, deepening the kiss as Dan rolled onto his back willingly. Phil’s been hungry for Dan’s kisses all night and having Dan kissing him again was taming the embers that were firing up inside his core.

He found himself hovering over Dan, lips detached from his lips and making small kisses down his jaw onto his neck. He found the soft flesh of Dan’s neck and nipped at it with his teeth a bit before sucking onto the sensitive skin. Dan moaned out, reaching his hand out and placing it on the back of Phil’s neck to hold him in place.

Phil loved this. The taste of Dan’s skin on his tongue was like a delicacy that he couldn’t get enough of. He pulled back and moved a bit lower, attaching his lips to Dan’s collarbone.

Dan squirmed under him as he whimpered and continued to whine at the sensations. Phil honestly felt a bit drunk off from the pheromones Dan was giving off to him.

He pulled away, moving his head back so he could connect their lips once more. It was a bit sloppy and a bit messy and Phil was sure their teeth might have clashed but he didn’t care. Anything with Dan was amazing and nothing would ever destroy that mindset for him.

Phil’s hips instinctively rolled down, looking for friction to serve as relief for the heat pooling in his lower body and his cock springing to full hardness. He could feel Dan’s under him, the hard outline of his own cock jutting into his hip.

“Are you okay with this?” Phil asked, looking for consent given how open and vulnerable Dan was just ten or so minutes ago.

Dan nodded quickly and practically begged. “Yes! Please keep going and don’t stop.”

Phil nodded to Dan’s command and reached his hand between them, fishing his cock out of his pajama pants and letting it spring free between them. Dan reached between them and Phil felt his hand down the same and then Dan’s hips cantered up and suddenly, Phil’s vision went white.

His head tipped down and found solace in the crevice between Dan’s neck and shoulder as he let of a loud moan. Dan’s hand wrapped around both of them and began to stroke as Phil’s hips rolled forward on their own accord.

He’s never done this before. He’s never felt the sensation of his already painful erection being stroked along someone else. The feeling of it was enough to send shivers of heat down his spine as he struggled to remain in control of his movements.

He picked his head up and looked down at Dan who was smiling lazily up at him. Phil quickly reached down and pushed Dan’s hand out of the way as he took over, stroking them to his tempo and his speed.

It was over far quicker than he would have liked to admit, shooting white over Dan’s stomach and dribbling a bit over Dan’s cock. Dan finished not long after, quickly shoving Phil out of the way as he stroked himself to completion and then fell back into a heap on the bed.

Dan got out of bed first to grab them something to clean up with and when he came back with a damp cloth, Phil gently used it to clean off his hand as he tucked himself back into his pajamas.

Dan yawned on last time before he settled into bed and leaned over, kissing Phil a few more times with quick little pecks against his lips before settling down onto Phil’s chest.

“Thank you.” Dan whispered, just as Phil felt himself drifting off to sleep.

“What for?”

“For making me feel like a normal person.” Dan says, his voice soft. “For actually making me feel loved and not like you’re using me to say you got to sleep with the famous Dan Howell.”

“I’d never do that.”

“I know.” Dan pressed. “That’s why I’m saying thank you.”

Dan fell asleep not long after the conversation ended and Phil was left, laying back on the bed with his eyes wide open now as he processed Dan’s words.

Thank you for actually making me feel loved.

The mere thought of someone not doing that or showing that to Dan made him actually hurt.

Sleep took a while to come that night.

#phan #phanfic #phanfiction #famous!dan #moviestar!dan #fluff #smut

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psychicmoth · 6 years ago

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ok. so here are my recommendations 🎉 all of them are incredible stories, please, give them a read ❣️❣️❣️

1. high school AU

teenagers by @alittledizzy & @waveydnp

i believe this one is already a classic, a wonderful coming-of-age story about surviving teenage years, discovering new things, learning to deal with them, and of course, falling in love ❤️ if you haven’t read it yet, idk what you are waiting for!

2. dan is a lawyer

in the darkness, with you by @phanbliss

dan is a lawyer and phil is a video editor. they work at the same place, and occasionally, they like to have sex together. but here’s the thing... they aren't even friends. the strangers to lovers au you all didn't know you needed until now (or maybe you already knew you needed it, because you have already read it, in that case, please go read it again 👀) it’s wonderful and brilliant and monika deserves an award for this magnific story. she really took the slow burn prompt srly 🔥💓💘

3. accidental voyeurism

on cloud nine by @outphan

just- just. go read this story. please, do yourself a favour. n o w. it’s fantastic and the twist is specially b r i l l i a n t 🔥

4. alternate timelines

Inspire the way (aspire to be) by @i-am-my-opheliac

they never got to be youtubers�� dan is a graphic designer, phil is a marketing manager, and now both have to work together… but seems like things aren't going to be easy 🔥💘 this is an incredible office au! pining, angst, passion and romance, this story has everything and more, please, read it, it’s such a good, good story 💘

5. fic written before 2013

Dan is On Fire by Lucy and Ramona (lucy_and_ramona on livejournal)

the oldest phanfic i could find. maybe not the first one, but it definitely helped to built the bases of our phanfiction community. take a look at the past, it's really, really cute 💗 written in nov 2010 (holy shi– )

6. clothed sex

just wanna take my time by @onedirectionticketss1

clothed sex + omorashi 💦 what a wonderful combination 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 this is FIRE!! read it, please 💘💓💘

7. nakedbooths

naked friday by @waveydnp

look. i’m in love with sarah’s writing okay? and this is something phil definitely did at some point, you can’t lie to me. the urgency and desperation is so palpable here, fuckin monkey!! 🙈🔥

8. date night

Wifey by @transdimensional-void

there is a very cute first date night in this story so i’m gonna take this opportunity to recommend this fic in my list. honestly? one of the best love stories i have ever read. phil is a cis lesbian who has a crush on dani, a gorgeous trans woman that works at a M•A•C store. sweet, gentle, real and important, the story of these girls is brilliant and i highly recommend everybody to read it 💘👭💘

9. hiding out

test our boundaries by @obsessivelymoody

phil hides out in a den but dan found him anyway 🙆🏻‍♀️ oh, btw, they aren't humans. a lovely sweet story between two creatures with an unique bond like nobody else's 🐯💞🐺

10. broken bone

waiting room by @callofthecurlew

such a lovely sweet lil story about anxious social situations at an A&E in the middle of the night. phil stole my heart in this one :’(( 💔💓

#did i just link to a fic in live journal??#yeah #hkjasfdh #also thanks waves for saving me #because it was really difficult to find a naked booth fic???#for some reason????#maybe i'm a dumbass :///#idk #this is hauting me #hkjasdhf #also #late to the party as always #phanfic rec

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pinof · 7 years ago

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Rize 8/14/18 Notes

-Phil is proud of his merch countdown only being one day.

-Merch tomorrow.

-Phil’s socks are deliberately mismatched.

-King of Lesbian.

-Talk of feet pics.

-They are sad that the tour is almost over and they miss the Princess bus.

-Their bus got inspected by a man in Canada’s border patrol.

-Dan loved Chan.

-They’re taking the longest flight - from Vancouver to Melbourne.

-They’re spooked about losing an entire day in the sky.

-Talk of baguettes.

-Dan talked about spraining his toe and how the magic of the internet turned it into him breaking his ankle.

-They both said they’re very clumsy on stage.

-They didn’t get to collab with anyone while in LA.

-Phil wanted to hang with Safiya Nygaard.

-Phil saying he will forever drink milk regardless of being lactose intolerant.

-Phil rated his merch 11/11.

-Talk of the Interactive Introverts film/where it’s going to be available at coming soon.

-Dan hates pool and said Phil is really good at it because his family used to own a pool table.

-Phil doesn’t know how old Dan is. “I’m 27.” “You’re not 27. You’re 26...aren’t you? I don’t know how old you are.”

-The guy at the airport was complimenting Phil saying he had the best first name and Phil thought the guy was flirting with him but the guy’s name was also Phil.

-#probed.

-Phil is going to watch The Greatest Showman on the flight.

-Micki Nimaj.

-New Sims video coming tomorrow or Thursday.

-They crosses a line morally and physically in the next Sims.

-Dan is wearing Phil’s new merch in the new gaming video.

-The video after that is a game they have planned before and something happens, causing them to say they’re not playing it again.

-Talk of glasses prescription.

-Next rize liveshow most likely is next Tuesday.

-They will announce the winners of the polaroids, video shout outs, and painting next show.

-They’re going to do a live Truth Bombs next liveshow.

-They will be dragging people on the screen (turn camera off if you don’t want to).

-The question is “How will Dan and Phil die?”

-Phil will tweet the time they will be be going live next rize since they’re in Australia.

-There’s going to be a pop up shop in Melbourne and Sydney. It will have a exclusive signed poster and will be decorated.

-Dan and Phil sung goodbye to us.

-Phil didn’t know how to close out the app.

#dan and phil #taylor talks

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alittledizzy · 7 years ago

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If you’re not reading Play 1950 by @waveydnp right now then idk what’s wrong with you. She’s updating it with a new chapter every few days (though not on a schedule, so the new chapters are just like a pleasant splash of pining lesbian love into your life when you least expect it) and it’s building so beautifully. The premise is that they were best friends growing up - Fi is a lesbian and was out during university but isn’t out to Dee, and Dee is struggling her way through university in a constant state of depression and crisis and leaning on Fi. There’s so much about this story that these characters are going to have to unweave, so much about each other they’re going to figure out and you can just taste how close to the surface those revelations are but there’s no hurry to this fic, there’s just a strong sense of living each moment written in their footsteps and feeling what they feel, wanting more for them but knowing they have to get there in their own time.

It’s a story about two women in love, but they’re still recognizably Dan and Phil, and if you can read Dan and Phil aus where they’re American teenagers, or where they’re space and plant boys, or where they both end up married to other people, or like whatever in the literally endless list of alternate universe possibilities exist - then a story where they’re both cis women shouldn’t throw you too much.

Also! It has Jimmy, as Fi’s roommate! And it’s absolutely stunning to me how this very much reads like Jimmy, and Fi very much reads like Phil, but Fi and Jimmy’s friendship/relationship couldn’t be more different than in amaaf - erasing the sexual tension that existed between Phil and Jimmy shifted things so much and it’s so subtle but I love it. (And when I say shifted I mean that with no sense of negativity, it’s just like - good writing. Really good writing to take a dynamic that could feel like a repeat of something - only by virtue of Jimmy not being widely used and so it being easier to typecast him in a certain role - and make it not at all similar.)

Let me also add that if you’re not reading it because you don’t read au, or you don’t read gender-swapped fics, or you don’t like lesbian stories, etc etc - that’s fine and I don’t need to know about it. No one reading this needs to feel compelled to tell me why they for a fact know they aren’t going to read this story. And you sure as fuck don’t need to tell Sarah. Just, general rule: you never, ever need to tell an author why you aren’t reading their fic. You might feel defensive and like you want to make sure that the author knows you have a Reason, but they really don’t need to know why. It serves no purpose besides making an author feel vaguely bad about something they can’t control - your personal preferences.

So tl;dr: this post is not geared towards people who have already made up their mind, it’s geared towards people who might have seen the story, their finger might have hesitated over it, and they kept on scrolling but aren’t sure why. Or the people who have just been busy and haven’t seen it, since Sarah is primarily posting this direct to ao3 and not making formal posts for the chapters anymore.

And I will also add that if you already knew about it and you’re waiting for it to be done, I respect that since normally that’s me with WIP - this isn’t meant to be a guilt trip for anyone who has their reasons, I just feel like this one is slipping under the radar for a lot of people and it’s a fucking shame because this fic is a masterpiece.

Anyway, read Play 1950 by @waveydnp.

#fic rec #phan

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soulhacktress · 6 years ago

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Okay so this is my Dan-Story and how I personally relate to it.

I am lucky I am a girl because wlw relationships are viewed differently in society, I would not say inherently “better” because of the fcking fetishization but still. So, I did not have to listen to all that stuff being thrown at me like an insult luckily - at least not in like, grade school. Back then just my sometimes difficult relationship with gender was established by being called a boy by accident and stuff like that and it was the start of not really being able to differentiate between platonic and romantic feelings and of compulsive heterosexuality. I always was a fucking weird kid and I can’t deny that but I wasn’t being called a lesbian as an insult for it - thank god. But the sense that something was really wrong with liking girls as a girl just creeped in later, mainly middle school, but also before. Once, I was staring across a girl who was way more developed than my eleven year old me back then, she was much taller with much bigger boobs, not AT her or anything, just at a place I wanted to put my bag at and she was like mockingly “are you looking at my boobs??” and I was exasperated and quickly explained that no, no, I just wanted to put my stuff down back there. She answered with “Oh, good. Thought already, we had a lesbian in class, haha”. Not to be mean, people who say that stuff rarely have bad intentions and don’t know what kind of impact they can have on a person. But it stayed in my memory so fucking long - because I thought about it, every detail of it. How embarrassing that was. How she could have even thought that. How degradingly she said the word lesbian - was being a lesbian that bad? Could it be that I was a lesbian - no, no, no, that for sure not. I could not be a lesbian, because I was in (comp het) love with my boy best friend from grade school because everybody always said that and so they must have been correct. I pushed this memory away from me - or thought so because clearly it is STILL etched to my mind to this very day. Back then I really did not take this seriously and lesbian was an abstract thing that EXISTED but it was nothing that could happen to ME - until my very best friend, my platonic Phil, the person that accepted me when nobody else seemed to finished a letter to me with a certain sentence. We wrote letters to each other over the internet when we were gone for a few days (we live really close and were together basically all the time and it was barely managable when one was away) and she wrote in one of them that she was just reading “Dracula” and I shouldn’t be surprised when she would call me (the slightly different german version of) “love” or “dearest” in these letters because in the book the women would call each other that all the time but she added, “but don’t worry, I am not in love with you. I am staying loyal to Damon, Ash, Nate and the other boys”. Which left me...confused. It was a possibility AS A NORMAL GIRL LIKE US to be in love with another normal girl? And she was not in love with me - was I in love with her? In retrospect, I still don’t know, to be honest, if I was in love with her. I can poorly differentiate between romantic and platonic feelings, as I said and we are very close but I can for sure say that today I am not in love with her - if I ever was. But nevertheless, I was confused. As fuck. This was the first time I doubted my sexuality because before I had been in a comfortable comp het unreachable pining friendship love but suddenly I thought about it - how would I have interpreted the relationship differently if she had been a boy? Wasn’t it exactly what everybody said love was? Missing the other person when they aren’t around, wanting to spend every minute together, feeling understood, talking about everything, planning the future together - no doubt if this had been an f/m friendship I would not have hesitated to tell my diary HELLO I AM VERY IN LOVE but could that be? Or have I never really been in love all along? I decided that that was it and that I never had been in love, ever and liked neither boys nor girls. I could not like girls AND boys if I had to like girls for it because as I further learned, that was BAD. My closest friend in school said in middle school sometimes something along the lines “gays are so cool i love gays but lesbians...I just think they are a bit disgusting and I can’t stand it and I would never be a lesbian and I think they shouldn’t kiss in public how about you?” and dumbass me did not really know what to answer so I just awkwardly went along. We talked about this later, way later because we are still friends but this was something I had still in my head and broke down when some other stuff happened because it was a really big thing to me and she did not even remember but I remembered it very well and it became one of the main reasons I developed The Guilt TM. I felt guilty for being turned on by women when I was like thirteen and just got in touch with the internet. This whole thing, these years - twelve to fourteen - was a big trip about sexuality and internet and depression and feeling down and like a weirdo and being an outcast without even being out. It’s getting late and maybe I will continue for more tomorrow but for now I just want to bring up that I started to masturbate to f/f fics and then felt disgusted and guilty as fuck about it and for masturbating in general and tried to turn me straight violently by only reading f/m fanfictions and using this for masturbation only. To this day I still sometimes catch myself in these patterns. My story about bisexuality is a long one and one I never told anybody about because I know... I know there are things that I still have not processed yet but Dans video helped me so much to think about it all and I wanted to tell at least a little part of it. In retrospect it all fits together, like I lived a coming of age book which plot I was to stupid to foresee but here we are and I’m not finished yet.

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joetasker · 7 years ago

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opinions

So many thoughts were going through my head. So many pretty girls I can't help it. I can't help feeling insecure. They seemed so much better than I did. And Dan seemed to like those girls. He liked different models photos. They were so skinny and beautiful. And I didn't see myself as that. Nothing compared to them.

"Come on! Why don't you just come in the pool, it's our last day here!" Zoey (not zoella) yells. My brunette friend who was swimming in front of me. "Take it off for me baby!" She acts as if she's stripping. I giggle at the fact that she was so nice. She was funny, and that's why she was my best friend. "C'mon Darling, you look like an absolute queen!" She claps her hands. I roll my eyes playfully and take off the dress leaving me in my black and white gingham swimsuit. I sit on the edge and watch the water.

"Watch out!" I hear behind me and feel myself being pushed in. I take a deep gasp once I reach the surface.

"For fucks sake Dan!" I whine.

"What? It was funny." He swims besides me.

"Was not." I hold onto the ledge.

"Don't tell me you can't reach the bottom?" He stands.

"It's almost 6 feet deep! I'm not a tall freak!" I splash a bit of water.

"Hey! I am not tall!" He lies and points a finger. "I like your swimsuit, goes with my aesthetic." He nods his head.

"Oh, yeah thank you." I smile and fiddle around.

"Anyways, your friend, Zoey, she's cute." He chuckles. I just laugh to hide the hint of pain my heart had suddenly felt. "Is She single?"

"Unfortunately For you, she isn't. She has a girlfriend." I emphasise the girlfriend.

"Well, you seem to have the prettiest of friends. Maybe you could introduce me to any single gals?" He elbows me playfully and lightly.

"Most, if not all of my friends are in relationships except for me. Im usually the third wheel." I shrug at the thought. Most of the times I was happy to hang out with my friends and their partner but when I felt low about myself, I would absolutely hate it. "What about Phil, is he single?" I tilt my head as I give him a taste of his own medicine.

"Aren't you a little too young for Phil?" He furrows his eyebrows.

"He's thirty-one. I think I can handle him." I joke.

"Well yeah he's single. But I don't think he has an interest in...girls like you?" He questions his own statement. I look at him confused and a bit taken back at to what he had just said. "Wait that came out extremely wrong-"

"No it's fine. I'm sure no one has an interest in girls like me." I try to keep my tears in by laughing.

"No-it came out wrong-I have nothing against you and neither does he-but-"

"Really It's fine. I get degraded all the time. I'm pretty much used to it." I shake my head in disbelief and push myself out of the pool, sitting where I last sat, a towel wrapped around myself. Zoey came up to me at least five minutes after I got out.

"Hey what happened?" She sits next to me.

"Nothing." My voice was croaky.

"I know when somethings up, so tell me who hurt you so I can ratattack the shit out of them." She hisses.

"I know he didn't mean it that way, I was just already in a bad state of mind." I shut my eyes.

"Who is he?" She rubs my back.

"It's Dan. He said Phil didn't have a thing for girls like me." I purse my lips.

"Wait you like Phil? I thought you had a thing for the ugly brunette one?" She gasps.

"I was just kidding though. I don't have a thing for Phil. I mean he's still hot but I just don't see him like that, you know?" I finally look up.

"If I'm honest, no I don't know. I'm a lesbian. But I do understand what you mean. And also, girls like you? What's that supposed to mean? Phil doesn't like sweet, friendly, affable, hot as fuck girls? Well then that boy has something going on in his head." Zoey lifts my chin.

"No. Dan said Phil doesn't like girls my age. Which I have nothing against. I don't even like Phil." I throw my hands forward in front of me.

"Look at that loser, sitting alone. Feeling bad about himself. Why? Because he was stupid. He probably has like, two brain cells left. Look at him!" She laughs like a maniac.

"He told me he liked you and asked if you were single." I blurt out. She turns her head slowly and laughs even louder.

"Dick inside me? Bitch I think the fuck not! I'm all about them scissors if ya know what I mean." She winks as I groan.

"Stop! No! No scissoring!" I cover my eyes.

"Ew look at that thing? Standing up...oh shit coming over to us Ew no. No animals! No rats!" She makes a disgusted face.

"Hey..." He takes a seat in front of me.

"What do you want? Aren't you embarrassed to talk to a girl like me. I'm three years younger than you, shouldn't you be scared?" I hold Zoey's hand under the towel. Zoey was glaring daggers at him. If looks could kill, oh boy would he be deep down under.

"I said Phil, not Dan-I mean not me." He shakes his head. "Look, I'm really sorry for saying that. I don't even understand why I said that. I also didn't say it correctly. I'm sorry for sounding like a total dick. I-I appreciate you. For not going completely ballistic on me. And I-You have a lovely-everything. I'm really nervous. And awkward. Sorry." He wipes his hands on his trunks.

"Well thank you for the apology. And thank you for appreciating me-kind of. And thanks for saying I have 'a lovely everything.' You can go now..." I say awkwardly.

"You should see the rest of her because you don't know beautiful until you know her you stupid-" I cut off Zoey by just simply shushing her.

"Phil said you're cute, by the way." Dan slowly stands up.

"Zoey said you're not. But tell Phil thanks. I think he's pretty cute too. But I also don't have a crush on him. I mean unless he suddenly has a thing for twenty-four year olds." I wiggle my brows.

"Gross." He whined. "I-um-I also think you're cute. Well pretty. I think that's all I can say because your friend is staring at me like she's ready to kill me." He walks away slowly.

"Thanks." I blush, suddenly forgetting about earlier.

"So...this is what it feels like to third-wheel....I mean I'm always down for some action." Zoey winks.

"Ew no! No Zoey! Nopety nope nope!" My eyes widen at the fact that I just said 'nopety nope nope.' A habit Dan had engraved in my brain.

"That is my cue to leave! I'll see you, yeah? Phil probably wants to hear how pretty he is coming from a girl so I'll make sure to tell him!" Dan stands and walks awkwardly to Phil. I'd pay millions to do those boys-Wait! No I wouldn't! That's crazy!

"So Anna is coming to our hotel room tonight-" Zoey says suggestively.

"I'll have to make plans than because I do not want to hear anything tonight!" I cover my ears.

"I'm just saying! Maybe you should try some scissors!" She says high-pitched as we go back into the pool. I made sure to keep eye contact with Dan, as a sign to tell him to get his ass in here. And soon both boys headed to my direction. I suddenly got nervous. Zoey had ditched me to go have a full make-out with her girlfriend right next to me. I swam closer to them so that I could get away from the horror.

"Did you need saving?" Dan asks, I nod my head and swim towards the stairs, climbing out as fast as possible. "Wow. Made us go into the pool just to immediately get out?"

"So. Um, Zoey is going to have some, fun, in the hotel room..." I stop myself.

"So you want to stay at ours? Yeah that's fine." Phil shrugs.

"Thank you guys so much." I run a hand down my face. "I don't know how I can repay you both."

"I have a few ideas." I see a smirk suddenly raise on Phil's lips.

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tapdancinglorax · 7 years ago

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A Rant

Ohhhhhhh I love how phantis go "you fetishizing str8 girls just want everything to be all 'real life yaoi' don't you" even though the phandom is so diverse and most phannies I've met aren't straight.

Can we please stop the shipping = fetishizing narrative because it just furthers hetreonormativity by making any gay relationship seen cute by anyone "unacceptable" and furthers the idea you can't see gay and straight relationships as equal. Straight relationships are acceptable to ship no matter what but shipping something gay will get you called a "fetishizing idiot" and that's not ok. It furthers the idea straight relationships are somehow less problematic than gay ones.

We don't want it to be "real life yaoi." I fucking hate yaoi. It over sexualizes gay men for the enjoyment of straight girls, forced hetreonormativity onto gay men, and is often abusive. I don't ship it because I think it's "hot" I ship it because I can see two men who genuinely love and care for each other and I think that's beautiful.

We all know if one of them was a girl there wouldn't be these conversations going on. But they may have also been openly together from the start. Another thing phantis don't seem to understand (probably cause they haven't ever dealt with it) is coming out is fucking hard. It takes me months sometimes to come out to people who I know will take it well. Coming out to my family- it'll be years. The entire internet? Where anyone in the world can know I'm LGBTQIA? Even the people who would kill me or beat me or rape me to "fix me." I don't think I could do it. So yes, they aren't out, but also, that's a fucking terrifying thought, being out, and I know Dan at the very least plays that through his head all the time. Hes starting a journey of being out and more open and I'm giving a shit ton of applause. That's hard as hell. Hes screaming "Hey I'm LGBT" to what's potentially 7 billion people and that's fucking metal as hell. He doesn't know how those 7 billion people think. He can't control them. But he's braving it for the chance he'll help his fans or others and to be an open person who can give the people what they want.

Maybe phan is real and maybe it isn't. But either way it's not ok to be an asshole to people who just have an opinion on the topic. And it's not ok to actually bully people online. You can't send death threats and be an asshole to Phantis. But Phantis have to do that to. Stop calling all shippers "fetishizing yaoi loving straight girls" and stop calling them delusional or naive. I'm not fucking naive. I've stared death in the motherfucking face several times. I know what's happening in the world and that's hard as hell. So stop making fun of me for using Dan and Phil as an escape from the fact I was huddled under a table telling my friends I loved them in case I died, carefully calculating how easy it would be to shoot me, missing the girl I loved because I chose today to go to the late lunch with my other group of friends and if she dies and I never get to tell her- or if I die- I'll never forgive myself. I don't have a lot of escapes. I can't because I can't really enjoy two things at once because my brain has to fucking hyperobsess over minute little things. And yet I've somehow had Phan through it all though. Even when I'm sobbing I can open up this stupid app and read a silly fic about Dan and Phil washing dishes and I can smile again.

People love in this fanbase and I'm so glad of that. But we're big, and that means our 1 percent is big too. And it's on both ends- the one percent is. The Demons and the Phantis. Both are bad, but in different ways. The Demons stalk Dan and Phil to prove they're gay (hint hint, if anyone's fetishizing, it's these asses) and are the ones who refuse to admit they might be just friends. I've seen Demons harass non shippers, but not near as much as I've seen Phantis harass shippers. Phantis do the same shit. They twist everything to be heteronormative and fit the idea that Dan and Phil are best buds. They refuse to admit they could be a couple. They in turn ridicule and harass shippers who ask simple things, like why they think that, by mocking them and telling them they aren't mature and grown up. I've seen Phantis asked to keep the hateful comments they make about shippers out of the phan tag to which they respond, "i don't care how you feel I'm going to do what I want because it's the internet and I have rights" but then insist that shipping on the internet is harmful and it's not ok, even thought that argument you just made about why you can be an ass can be turned on it's head and used against you.

99% of shippers would never take it off the internet, because shockingly they love Dan and Phil for who they are and don't care about Phan as much as Phantis make them out to. If Dan and Phil randomly dropped a video talking about they're signifigant others joe and sue I'd congratulate them, support then 100%, and stop shipping. Because I love Dan and Phil. They've gotten me through a lot. They haven't done that, though.

They haven't explicitly ever said to stop shipping. Hell, Cornelia, Martyn's girlfriend, asked for the link to a phanfic KNOWING IT WAS A PHANFIC. They don't really seem to care or they'd tell us to stop. They wouldn't be posting "Phil's Sugar Baby" as Dan's Alternative Job if YouTube Crashes at II.

Ultimately, I'm just mad shipping two men becomes fetishizing because it's two men being shipped. That's homophobic. If they were if the opposite sex (this is in general) it wouldn't be fetishizing- it would be problematic at worst. PROBLEMATIC is much less aggressive and bad sounding than FETISHIZING. Problematic makes you think it's a split ship, 45% like, 45% don't, 10% don't care. Fetishizing makes you think your making this ship into your kink, that you don't care about the ship for anything but their sex life. And yes, people fetishize, but it's actually a thousand times worse with lesbians. Lesbians are mostly played off in movies as sexy to men. That's fetishizing. Thinking two men (or women) make (or would make) a cute couple isn't fetishizing. But I never see people yell about fetishizing straight relationships- it's simply problematic. I'll see people shipping brothers and sisters and yet that gets a nicer title than two unrelated men. I hate that.

Phantis- one more thing. You so often argue that Dan and Phil are straight because they don't yell their sexualities for the world. 1) read the above about how the internet can influence people's view of you. 2) They've stated they're bi but don't like labels at one point or another. Implying that to be LGBT you have to keep us all updated on your sexuality isn't ok. Implying not saying "I'm gay, ok" once a year makes you straight is fucking homophobic. If they don't like fucking labels than let's not label them BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE THEM STRAIGHT. People can take pride in who they are and dance about in tutus at pride parades, but some people want to keep that in. In their families, in their friend groups, maybe just in them. That's ok. People have a right to privacy, and to imply they're any less LGBTQIA because of that is homophobic. Why? Two reasons. One, it's implying all LGBTQIA people have that privilege and want to flaunt their identities to the world, and have constantly talk about it. Two, you're saying to be a gay or trans or bi person you have to tell the world and fuck that. We can take pride in that we can be who we are, but we also shouldn't be told we have to flaunt it to be LGBT because straight people don't have to do that. They get to walk by and be presumed to be who they are because they have that privilege. That's not fair. That's heteronormative and I really want it to stop. But first we need to stop saying if you haven't said what you are your straight. That's not fair. To closeted people, and to people who don't feel like being flamboyant, and to people who dont want death threats over their sexuality because theyre in the public eye. It's ok to not want to scream about it.

Bottom line- don't be an asshole. Don't make fun of others. Shippers aren't inherently fetishizing. Don't invade others privacy. Don't presume people are straight. Phan may or may not be real and it doesn't really matter because we'll love them no matter what. And- once more for good measure- DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE.

#phandom #phan #phanti #phannie #demon phannie #seriously #yall #please listen #opinions #how not to be a jerk #opinions on the phandom

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